


My home is where you are

by lewisherondales (thecodinglibrarian)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15125894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecodinglibrarian/pseuds/lewisherondales
Summary: Jace kind of moves into Simon’s apartment after they find out Jordan is a werewolf and a member of Praetor Lupus. They both deal with a lot of problems along the way.--3x05 canon-divergence…. kind of. No Owl or Clace. Has a mix of 3x06 and 3x07 bits in it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally done!! I’m so proud but I’m probably done with multi-chaptered fics for a while although this was my first one. Boy, did I struggle with this… I might still tweak the wording sometime in the future but I need some separation from this for a while. Editing it was hell (I have a new-found appreciation for anyone writing 30+ chaptered fics).
> 
> Also, do I have a thing for Jace's hair? Absolutely.

The morning after his show, Simon wakes up to the sound of determined knocks on his front door. Groaning, he searches blindly for his phone on the bedside table without raising his head from the pillow. More knocks. He finds the phone and checks the time: 7 a.m.. Kyle must have forgotten his keys. After Simon had gone back to the apartment the night before, Kyle had apparently been sufficiently convinced he wouldn’t take off and, as such, it seemed like their routine had gone back to normal. As mad as Simon was with the guy, he would rather get the knocking to stop so that he could go back to sleep.

“I’m coming!” he shouts.

He gets up and makes his way to the door trying not to stumble and fall. The perfect apartment is not so perfect when he’s struggling to keep his eyes open as he walks through it. They have way too much stuff lying around. He opens the door halfway through and leans on it.

In his front door stands Jace Herondale. He looks as angry and as unnervingly handsome as always in his all-black attire. “Jace? What are you doing here?” He asks, brows furrowed. Upon further examination, he notices Jace is carrying a black duffel bag. Simon points at it. “What’s that for?” and if he sounds completely puzzled and slightly irritated, Jace is entirely to blame.

Simon’s cranky for having been woken up and he hasn’t had enough time to digest what happened yesterday. Simon could appreciate Jace’s help and their rare moments of understanding, but he has no doubts Jace hates his guts. It’s not like he tries, even out of simple politeness, to hide the fact that he finds Simon annoying, like a thorn on his side. It hadn’t seemed like Jace wanted the favor returned, which had made everything more confusing, and Simon certainly hadn’t agreed to it so, he never imagined he’d have to deal with Jace again anytime soon. Not unless, of course, the world was ending, and he absolutely had to.

“I’m staying here.” Jace says as he makes his way around Simon and into the living room as if he’s entering his own house.

Simon turns around to look at him. “I- I’m sorry…what?”

Jace places his duffel bag near the couch and sits down.

“I said I’m staying here.” He repeats, like that is his call to make. Like that doesn’t need any kind of explanation.

“Yeah, I heard that.” Simon closes the door behind him. “Why?”

Jace looks like he is barely listening, aggravation written all over his face, as if Simon is the one intruding in his house. His elbows are resting on his knees and he has his hands clutched in front of him.

“We still don’t know if we can trust that werewolf.” He offers as an explanation.

Simon moves to stand in front of Jace.

“Didn’t you say he was from the werewolf special forces - lupus something?” He asks.

“Praetor Lupus.” Jace corrects as he stares up at him.

“Sure.” Simon nods. “Well, it’s not like he murdered me in my sleep. Not that he could, anyway. The mark on my forehead would probably blast him off, I guess.” There is silence for a fraction of a second while he considers that possibility. “Besides, you were the one telling me I should come back here.”

“It’s better than the alternative. It doesn’t mean I trust him.”

Jace is looking progressively more annoyed.

Simon is taken aback by that reply. Nothing about this whole situation makes any sense to him. Nevertheless, he puts on a grin because there’s an opening there for him to piss off Jace and, that, he’s glad to do.

“Oh, don’t tell me, are you worried about me?”

Jace’s glare intensifies, somehow. He leans back, spreading himself further on the couch, confidently, with his right elbow sitting on top of it and his legs spread open. He makes a point to look away as if the spot on the wall is a lot more interesting to him than Simon.

“Not going to happen.” He asserts. “I’m doing this for Clary.”

“ _Riight._ ” Simon’s grin dissipates as his expression is replaced with mild confusion. His eyes remain on Jace, hoping his face will give something away when his words don’t. “You do know that didn’t make sense the first time you said it either, don’t you?”

There is no doubt Jace is overprotective of Clary. They remained something akin to brother and sister even after what had happened at the Seelie Court. Simon doesn’t know why. However, both of them know there is no reason for Jace to extend that overprotectiveness over to him.

Jace’s jaw pops and Simon decides to give it up, for now. Jace is going to do what he wants to, either way.

As Simon drops his arms in frustration and momentary defeat, he notices Jace giving him a once-over.

Right, time to get dressed. He didn’t have any time or reason to do it before so he’s only wearing his boxers and an old T-shirt. There is no way he is going back to sleep after this. Kyle might not have murdered him in his sleep but God knows what Jace will be doing.

\--

Simon gets out of his bedroom hoping he had either dreamt about opening the door to Jace that morning or that Jace had gotten bored and left to do more important, Shadowhunter-y stuff. He isn’t that lucky. As he enters the living room, now fully dressed, he spots the perfectly styled blond hair on top of Jace’s head, from behind the couch.

It’s too early to call Maia and he has nothing else to do.

“Do you want to play _Call of Duty_ , after all?” He suggests as he walks into Jace’s field of vision.

Jace greets him with a glare and silence.

“Are you really just going to sit there?” Simon asks. Jace can be infuriating when he wants to. Which, unfortunately for Simon, seems to be the case whenever he’s around.

He gets no further reply from Jace.

“So, I’m supposed to pretend I have a new bolder on my couch, then.” Simon says.

At that, he sees the tiniest glint in Jace’s eyes.

Simon sighs as he throws up his hands.

“Great.” He mutters.

\--

Simon wanders for a bit before meeting up with Maia at the Hunter’s Moon. She doesn’t seem at all worried about the Jace situation Simon is currently dealing with. _‘Who knows? Maybe you two will end up becoming BFFs.’_ She laughs. They eat lunch at Jade Wolf before Simon heads back to the apartment.

When he arrives, Jace is nowhere to be seen. Simon would be ecstatic if it wasn’t for the duffel bag near the couch indicating Jace has all the intention of coming back.

He has time to practice some new songs by himself before the knocks on his door signal Jace’s return.

“Where did you go?” Simon asks after he sits on the blue stool he was using before, behind the couch.

“I had to take care of some things at the Institute.” Jace answers. He has a food container in his hands that he opens once he sits comfortably on the couch. He turns to Simon to smirk at him. “Don’t tell me you missed me already?”

Simon clenches his jaw as he glares at him, in response. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

“Look, Jace, I don’t need protection. Like, at all. I already have too much protection, if you ask me. I have a bomb on my forehead ready to blast off anyone trying to hurt me, remember? Pretty sure I don’t need yours - or Kyle’s - help.”

Jace is opening his mouth to, no doubt, make some kind of retort, when Simon hears the door opening and turns to see Kyle appear from behind it. Speaking of the devil…

“What are you doing here?” Kyle asks when he sees Jace.

“Well, I _am_ Simon’s good friend.” Jace grins. Then, he turns back to his food and begins eating.

Simon groans. Jace has, once again, managed to get away from the conversation. This is going to be another headache.

\--

Jace ends up sleeping on the couch. Simon wants to get mad at how ridiculous the situation is but he’s too tired to. Instead, he finds some extra covers and hands them to Jace. Just for good measure, he asks him if he’s sure he doesn’t prefer sleeping on the comfortable beds of the Institute. The answer he gets is a _‘Nope.’_

If, in the morning, he finds Jace adorable, all curled up in the covers, peaceful expression on his sleeping face, he doesn’t think about it twice.

\--

A week passes after that. Jace comes and goes as he pleases. It’s just like having another roommate. A freeloading one that sleeps on your couch, but still. Kyle isn’t the slightest bit happy about the change, at first, which is understandable given that Jace had pressed him against a wall and threatened him with a Seraph blade on their first meeting. Nevertheless, Jace and Kyle mostly ignore each other and, with time, Jordan has become more indifferent to it than anything else.

Simon and Kyle play video games during the day while Jace is out most of the time. At night, sometimes they sit around the round table and have dinner, with Jace only throwing a few snarky comments here and there and antagonizing either Kyle or Simon or both. Other times, they’re too busy to have dinner together.

Whatever reasons Jace had for moving in, Simon hasn’t been able to figure out. Maybe he’s finally worried that Simon will spill the secrets of how he became a Daylighter to the other vamps, although Simon thought they had reached an understanding there. They have a mutual hatred going on, but he is grateful Jace saved his life by sacrificing his when he didn’t have to. Jace might be a hard-ass but, even if Simon doesn’t like to admit it, he is a well-intentioned one.

He is currently sharing those thoughts with Maia while she prepares drinks for her customers.

“Have you considered that maybe you don’t hate him as much as you think you do?” She asks.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s all you’ve been talking about for a week.” She hands the customers their drinks. Then, she stops in front of him to look at him directly, a small, playful smile in her face.

Simon takes a deep breath.

“Sorry.” He clutches his hands on the counter in front of him. “I’ve been worried about this thing on my forehead, and he just knows how to get under my skin, you know?” He smiles at her apologetically.

“I know.” She says. “But you’re overthinking it.”

“Maybe I am.” He confesses. He beams at her. “What would I do without you?”

\--

That evening, something is off with Jace when Simon arrives at the apartment. He seems startled when Simon opens the door. He’s sitting on the couch, curled over himself, one leg bent on top of it and another falling to the side of it. Some strands of hair are dangling in front of his face, and Simon can hear his accelerated breath and heartbeat. He uses his vampire speed to get to him.

“Jace? What happened? If Kyle did anything-”

“It wasn’t him.” Jace says quietly but firmly while shaking his head. It’s clear he’s trying to control his breath. “Just give me some minutes, ok?” He makes eye contact with Simon quickly before dropping it.

Simon frowns. There is something about seeing Jace looking disheveled and broken that doesn’t sit well with him. He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times until he decides it’s best to keep it shut.

That is, until he can’t hold it anymore.

“Are you sure it wasn’t Kyle? You never met a Praetor, right? What if they have some special powers?” He is rambling now, his hands making gestures in the air while he paces.

“Simon…” Jace exhales slowly and closes his eyes. “Shut up.” It’s a request more than anything else so Simon stops in his tracks. His hands move to rest at his waist, so that he’ll stop gesticulating.

“Yeah, hm…Shutting up now.” He nods.

Simon focuses his eyes on Jace. Watching him from up close, Simon can see droplets of sweat on Jace’s forehead. Instead of his everyday clothes, Jace’s wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants. His hoodie is soaked with sweat too. Simon wonders whether he had been having a nightmare. Simon often has them himself. Sometimes he swears he can taste the dirt as he crawls out of his own grave, but it’s not real. He recognizes the symptoms in Jace. Thinking about it, given what Jace has been through lately, it is perfectly normal for him to react like this. In fact, it would’ve been strange if, after what happened with Valentine, Jace had just gone on as if nothing had happened, what with having figured out his father was a mass murdering psychopath that had tricked him into thinking he was dating his sister, who turns out is not his sister, and into killing dozens of Downworlders.

When he hears Jace’s heartbeat slow down he says, “I don’t expect you to tell me what happened but you can. That is, if you want to.” He rubs his hands nervously. “If not, my offer to play _Call of Duty_ still stands.” He gives Jace a small smile.

The lines on Jace’s face relax ever so slightly.

“Thanks.” he replies, and he returns Simon’s smile with a barely visible but sincere one of his own.

\--

And that is how they end up sitting on the couch with controllers in their hands, a few hours later. Simon had ranted on and on about _how is it possible for someone in this day and age to not know what Call of Duty is_ and about how Jace doesn’t know what he’s missing by not indulging in video games. Thankfully, Jace seemed ok ( _maybe even a little bit happy?_ ) with simply hearing Simon talk. That had been enough confirmation for Simon that Jace wasn’t doing too good.

Yet, right now, Simon is not happy.

“Of course _‘look-at-me-I’m-so-handsome’_ has to be good at video games!” He whines. He turns his head to the other side of the couch, where Jace had relaxed into after winning their last match, again. “Can’t you leave some stuff for the rest of us?” He complains.

At that, Jace grins at him, conspicuously. The corners of his eyes crinkle, and Simon is a little mesmerized at the way his mismatched eyes gleam under the low lights of the room.

“Pretty sure I left all the nerdy blabbering to you.” He retorts.

Simon turns his body entirely to him, hand on his chest and raised eyebrows in mock offense for a few seconds. He sees Jace’s smile widen and, satisfied and little struck by that, Simon lets his hand drop back to his lap.

“Admit it, you had fun.” He teases, raising his chin a little and looking entirely too pleased with himself.

Jace stares at him, pretending to be deep in thought, before shrugging. “Well…I guess it was fun kicking your ass.”


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, Simon meets Heidi in their apartment and things start to go south. He was an idiot for telling her he had a girlfriend. He goes to the Hunter’s Moon with Maia to make sure she’s ok.

The Lightwood family is there too, and the scene is heart-warming to watch.  Apart from Izzy, they are all usually extremely uptight, as far as Simon knows. Despite that, they are laughing together and, when Maryse touches Jace’s cheek, Simon sees him lean into it, eyes softening immediately. Simon is a huge sap and he knows it, so he can’t stop himself from being completely immersed in the moment. He can’t remember ever seeing Jace like that, but he has no doubt in his mind that Jace deserves it.

Maryse says something. Jace says something back. Maryse pulls her hand back gradually and, eventually, turns to speak to Alec. Jace gives Alec a quick glance too before shifting slightly to gaze past him. Their eyes catch each other, then.

Suddenly, Simon feels dirty for having intruded in a private moment between Jace and his family. He wants to look away. Yet, unexpectedly, Jace smiles at him gently before turning his attention back to his family.

Simon kind of feels like he has the sun inside his chest, and that can’t be good, being a vampire and all that. He lowers his head and can’t stop his smile from spreading. _Jace Herondale just smiled at him!_ _Him, Simon Lewis! A genuine, gentle, gorgeous smile!_ Jace barely ever did it, and solely for a very small number of people. Simon never thought he’d get to be one of them. Sure, there was that one time Clary was dying, but that had been an unusual situation.

Glass clinks next to him and Simon remembers his mission. _Maia!_ He turns around quickly, almost falling off his stool. She’s still there, serving some beers. He exhales. He should be paying more attention. Heidi had already caught him off-guard enough times.

\--

Izzy comes talk to him at some point and, somehow, that leads to Heidi mistaking her for his girlfriend and attacking her. He promises Izzy he’ll take care of Heidi but he doesn’t even know where to begin. It’s obvious that Heidi’s troubled. That she’d been even before he turned her. He considers asking Kyle for help. This is his fault for having been careless and Raphael only tortured her because he knew Simon was a Daylighter. She was his responsibility, no matter how out of the line she was. He knows he is putting both Maia and Izzy at risk. He knows he can’t protect them both at the same time. He must decide on what to do, and he does. Heidi’s eyes are full of hatred as she realizes he betrayed her. He can’t stand it. His heart keeps telling him he made the wrong choice, regardless of how much his brain argues that he did what he had to do to protect everyone.

He is, finally, walking home when he feels his phone vibrate.

_Maia: are u ok?_

_Simon: let the Praetor take care of it. I feel like crap. I’m sorry I got you and Izzy involved…_

_Maia: we are both grown women, simon. we can protect ourselves._

_Simon: I know… I’m still worried._

_Simon: when do you get off?_

_Maia: late. but I can stop by and bring you some more blood if you’re not too busy dating Jace instead…_

_Simon: don’t even joke about it._

\--

When he gets home, Jace and Kyle are already there, eating dinner. Simon grabs the last blood bag on his fridge. He is prone to stress-eating and Heidi has pushed him over the edge. He sits with them and they talk for a while until they hear someone knocking on the door.

“Oh, that’s my blood re-fill!” Simon says as he practically runs to the door. He desperately needs to see Maia.

He opens the door and there she is, carrying a blood bag in her hands. He feels the stress leave his body almost immediately.

“Hey,” She greets him, smiling. She starts walking closer to him and into the apartment. “Are you really ok? How did things go with Hei-“ She stops talking mid-sentence and her face becomes expressionless, eyes focused somewhere behind Simon. Her voice is flat when she says. “What is he doing here?”

He looks behind him, confused. “Jace? You already know he’s here.“

“Not him.” She cuts him, eyes unwavering from where she is staring at.

“You mean Kyle? My roommate? He lives here.” He answers.

There is a silence where Simon doesn’t understand what is going on. He sees Kyle looking down at his hands, shoulders hunched to make himself appear smaller.

“That’s Jordan Kyle. He’s the werewolf who turned me.” Maia says, at last.

Simon’s blood boils as he understands Kyle, _Jordan_ Kyle, had lied to him about more than belonging to the Praetor Lupus and about his intentions for meeting Simon. Maia’s face tells him everything he needs to know about that guy. He had hurt her. Deeply.

Jordan gets up and tries to apologize to Maia, but Simon stops him. Jordan tries to explain himself to Simon but Simon doesn’t want to hear any of it. He’s tired of being lied to. Maia runs off while they are arguing and, after telling Jordan to stay the hell away from both of them, Simon goes after her.

\--

Simon finds Maia a few streets away.

“Maia!” He shouts as he gets closer. She slows her pace but she doesn’t stop walking.

He grasps her wrist gently when he gets close enough to be able to. She stops, then, but doesn’t turn to him so Simon moves to stand in front of her. She’s gazing somewhere in the distance, expression hollow.

He feels sick in his stomach knowing he helped cause this. If it hadn’t been for him, Maia would’ve never had to look at the person who abused her and turned her ever again. He releases her wrist.

“Maia, I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve had nothing to do with him.” He explains.

Her gaze shifts in his direction. Her expression seems to gain some life as she looks at him. She nods quickly.

“I know.” She says.

Simon feels helpless. He wants to bring her back from the dark place she is going into, but he doesn’t know how.

“Are you ok?” He asks her, voice gentle as he stops himself from reaching out. Maia would probably rather have her space.

“Yeah.” She nods, but her gaze becomes unfocused, once more.

“If you need to talk, you can talk and I’ll listen, believe it or not. Anything you need.” He says.

It’s windy and cold so Maia rubs her arms with her hands. She looks him in the eyes.

“I just need to be alone right now.” She tells him.

\--

The sky is dark as Simon walks to the Hunter’s Moon, the day after. He has been trying to call Maia all day but she hasn’t been answering. He had returned home yesterday to find Jordan gone. Jace had stared at him from the chair he was sitting on, expression grave, but hadn’t said anything. Simon had appreciated that. He had ended up crashing on his bed, exhausted from the long day but not being able to sleep. He couldn’t get Maia’s expressionless face out of his head. She is the best thing in his life, at the moment, but he has managed to ruin even that.

He finds her carrying travel bags outside the bar.

He approaches her carefully, an apologetic smile in his face. “I know you told me to leave you alone but I’m not good at following instructions.”

Simon never knew what to say in difficult situations. His strategy has always been to make them a bit lighter by joking.

In this case, Maia has been too profoundly hurt for that to work. She looks at him, sadly.

“I need to get away for a while.” She says, and it sounds final.

He nods and steps closer to wrap his arms around her, hugging her tightly. She puts her arms around his neck, pressing her face to the side of his. Simon doesn’t want to let go, but he does.

She takes one step back, but her eyes remain on him.

“…and you need to figure things out with Jace.” She adds. Something in her voice tells him that she sees something he doesn’t. He wants to argue that there is nothing to figure out. Instead, he nods, because he knows this is not the time for it.

“Ok.” He replies, and he watches her grab her bags and walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

Simon spends the next days holed up in his bedroom, going out only for eating. He doesn’t want to end up accidentally turning someone or sucking them dry, to add one more problem to his current, already too long, list of problems. Jace, who has now graduated from the couch to Jordan’s bedroom, casts him worried glances when they happen to pass by each other, but he hasn’t spoken up about it.

One morning, he’s laying on his stomach in bed when Jace knocks on his door.

“Simon, I’m coming in.” He warns.

He opens the door, slowly, and walks into the room to stand a few feet away from the bed, looking down at Simon, arms crossed.

“You know I don’t like to pry into other people’s business, but you’ve been holed up here for over a week.” He says.

Simon groans. “I’m fine. You can go.” He says, more to the pillow he has his face against than to Jace.

Jace sighs audibly.

“You’ve gotten out of bed twice in the last three days, for a trip to the fridge. Sure you are.”

Simon groans again and pushes himself up to sit against the headboard of the bed. His limbs feel heavy, his eyes are dry, and his hair is sticking in every direction.

“I’m fine.” He insists, as he rubs his eyes. He looks at Jace accusingly. “Why do you suddenly care, anyway? I told you, I don’t need your help.” He can’t get himself to stop there. “Can’t you just leave me alone? It’s not like we’re friends.” He sees Jace close off, straightening himself and looking at him pointedly. Simon is waiting for him to fire back or walk out any minute now and he knows he deserves it. “I think you’re a jerk and you think I’m an annoying pest that hangs around Clary.”

Simon’s bordering on hysterical and his eyes start to feel prickly. Somehow, Jace keeps standing there, quiet, taking it all, so he stops talking.

“Are you finished?” Jace asks.

Simon closes his eyes and pitches the bridge of his nose.

“No.” He says, but it’s calmer now. “Really, why are you here? Not here listening to me lash out on you but here, in my house, have been, for three weeks?”

Jace’s arms drop to his sides and he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, near Simon’s legs, examining the bed sheets. There is silence for a few seconds before he speaks.

“I needed to get out of the Institute for a while.” He admits.

Simon’s brow furrows.

“And you thought my house was the best place to come to?” He says, incredulously. “You can’t stand me, remember?”

Jace looks a bit uncomfortable at that.

“That day I helped you so that I could keep my mind busy.” He explains. He keeps his eyes on the covers, avoiding making any eye contact with Simon. “You never shut up so that helps too.” He adds, smiling. There was no bite in it, so Simon lets it pass. Jace looks up at him and shrugs. “It worked. So, I somehow ended up here.”

Simon has moved closer to Jace, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed. Jace has dark bags under his reddened eyes. His memory takes him back to the day Jace looked out of himself.

“How are you? Sorry. I’ve been so focused on my own things that I never asked.”

It was odd saying that to Jace but Simon couldn’t help but feel truly guilty for having forgotten about it.

Jace shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s ok. I’m ok.” He says, putting on what Simon can tell is a fake smile.

“It’s my turn here to say that saying that while having bags that dark under your eyes isn’t very convincing.” Simon says, voice low so as not to break the moment. Their eyes meet, and they share a smile. “Have you been sleeping?” He asks.

“Not much.” Jace admits.

There is silence, after that, until an idea crosses Simon’s mind. He perks up, eyes wide.

“You know what we need to do? We totally need to have a movie marathon.”

The corners of Jace’s eyes are wrinkling now.

“Do we?” he asks.

Simon nods determinedly. “Yup. I can’t eat ice-cream from the container anymore, but you can.” He ponders. Jace isn’t grunting and walking out of the room yet which Simon takes to mean he is interested. “So, _Star Wars_ or _Lord of the Rings_?”

\--

Movie marathoning in the morning is a bit weird and Jace has work to do so they agree to meet up later in the day. Simon decides that it’s time for him to go talk to Luke about what happened with Jordan and Maia. He finds out Luke was the one who had called the Praetor Lupus but he didn’t know they had sent Jordan. As for Maia, Luke tried to assure him she would be fine. Simon believed that too, but he couldn’t help but worry.

He goes home and watches TV for a while before Jace arrives. When he does, he looks beat and Simon tells him that they can leave it for another day and that he should sleep instead, but Jace insists that they do it. Turns out Jace has never watched or heard of either series. Simon is not even surprised anymore.

They end up with one blanket each, sitting on opposite sides of the couch, watching _Star Wars_. Simon has watched it 100 times, so he anticipates and draws focus to the details someone can’t catch on their first watch while Jace mostly critiques the movie in everything from plot to hairstyle choices and tells Simon to ‘ _Shut up and stop spoiling the movie._ ’ It’s a surprise for Simon that he can do it, given how exhausted he looks, but Simon isn’t complaining. This is actually fun. Simon can’t help but think that he doesn’t regret asking Jace to go on a movie marathon with him for one second. Ultimately, Jace becomes too tired to make any type of commentary so Simon does most of it.

When Jace’s reply doesn’t come, one time, Simon glances to his side of the couch to find him sound asleep. He is still sitting but his head is turned slightly upwards. His chest moves up and down as he breathes softly. At the sight, Simon feels a wave of protectiveness wash over him. Even after defeating Valentine, Jace couldn’t seem to be able to catch a break.

He is considering getting up to let Jace get the peaceful sleep he desperately needs when he hears Jace’s heart rate pick up. His breath hitches and Simon scrambles on the couch to get to his side. He can see Jace fighting in his sleep. With a gasp, Jace’s head flies off the couch. So fast that, were it not for Simon’s vampire senses, their heads would have collided.

Jace is stiff, and his hands are trembling. His eyes dart around the room until they focus on a spot to his right. He gets up.

“You’re dead!” he says through gritted teeth, his fists curled. “I killed you!” he shouts.

He’s clearly seeing something Simon is not. He tries to move toward it. Without thinking, Simon reaches forward to grab him by the forearm and stop him.

Jace jumps in shock and slaps it away. He looks at Simon, wide-eyed and shaky.

Simon makes another attempt at it, this time slower, as he speaks. “Jace… Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not there.” He says firmly but calmly. “It’s just us.”

Jace is disoriented but he lets Simon pull him back to the couch gradually.

“Simon?” He asks softly, once he’s seated on the edge of the couch. His forehead wrinkles as his eyebrows draw together.

“Yeah. It’s me.” Simon answers. He keeps his hand on Jace’s arm in reassurance.

Jace nods. “Good. Good.” He says and melts back into the couch, but he remains rigid under Simon’s touch.

They look at each other silently for a few moments.

“Sorry.” Jace says.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Simon tells him. He stops to think before he continues speaking because he doesn’t want to chase away Jace, but he can’t keep quiet. “Jace…Have you tried getting help?” He asks.

Jace lets out a short and bitter laugh.

“Shadowhunters aren’t really known for their acceptance of mental illnesses.” He explains. He sighs and looks down to where Simon’s hand rests on his arm. “My mother killed herself. Luke told me she talked to herself and saw things that weren’t there. Like I just did.”

“I’m sorry.” Simon says. “So it’s genetic?”

Jace looks at him briefly and shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never had it before but…Simon, this isn’t a normal case of mental illness.” He takes a deep breath as he avoids Simon’s gaze, once again. He is quiet for so long Simon thinks he’s not going to continue but he looks Simon in the eyes. “I died.” He admits.

“What?” is what Simon spits out because the meaning of that sentence doesn’t get through to him. Technically, he has also died so it shouldn’t be a surprise that people die _but not really._ So, maybe he’s not as much part of this world as he thinks he is yet, because he can’t understand how Jace might have been dead at any point in time and be here, now, talking to him.

“Clary used Raziel’s wish to bring me back.” Jace clarifies.

Simon isn’t sure of what that actually means but he knows the consequences must be huge, judging by Jace’s tone of voice and overall miserable face expression. Jace keeps frowning and Simon gets the feeling he’s blaming himself.

“Have you told anyone?” He asks.

Jace shakes his head.

“No.” He answers. “Alec has been asking about it because our parabatai rune disappeared. Clary wanted to tell them, but I told her not to. If anyone finds out what Clary did, she’s be turned in to the Clave. This would only cause trouble for them too.”

Simon feels a tinge of happiness for a second, even though he knows he shouldn’t. Jace is trusting him with something he hasn’t even told Alec about and it feels great to know he has somehow managed to earn that trust.

“What are you going to do?” He asks.

“I can go to the Silent Brothers for treatment but if it doesn’t work they’ll deem me unfit for duty.”

Simon knows how important being a Shadowhunter is to Jace. It’s his whole identity. He also knows that doesn’t matter to the Clave.

“Whatever you decide, I’ll be there if you need me.” He offers.

Jace smiles at him.

“Thank you, but no one can go with me.” His eyes widen as his eyebrows raise. “Especially not a Downworlder.” He adds.

“Oh, right. Who knows, we might infect something with our demon blood. Forgot about that.” Simon mutters. Shadowhunters had centuries of self-entitlement. That wasn’t going to change anytime soon. Although Clary was doing her best in turning the whole thing upside down.

Jace merely stares at him, somewhat entertained.

“Thank you.” He restates.

Simon looks at him fondly.

“You’re welcome.”

Then, he moves to sit with his back on the couch, next to Jace. “Let’s try again?” He pats his shoulder. He’s not sure of what he’s doing and he’s fully expecting another _‘No. Never.’_ Instead, Jace seems to fight over it with himself before accepting it quietly.

Simon’s smile is radiant as he feels Jace’s head on his shoulder. “Just try not to drool on my shirt, please.” He adds.

“Good night, Simon.” Is Jace’s attempt at a firm answer, although it lacks its usual power.

It’s when Jace is finally asleep, barely audible breathing leaving his lips, that Simon realizes that Maia was right all along.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Jace is looking a bit more like himself. He smiles at Simon when Simon wakes up and finds him standing against the counter, drinking a cup of coffee. Simon is still blown away by the fact that that is now a thing that happens.

Jace had woken up several times during the night and it had been rough on both of them but they made it through. Jace got at least a few hours of sleep, in total. He’s livelier and the bags under his eyes aren’t as dark. The morning sun, coming through the window, illuminates his form, giving him more of the angelic appearance he already has. Simon has a hard time pretending not to be staring as he gets up from the couch. Jace hasn’t styled his hair yet, so there are a few strands falling out of place here and there. Simon curses himself for finding that stupidly attractive.

A sharp pain on his leg, below his knee, takes him out of his daze.

“Ouch!” He mutters as he glares daggers onto the offending coffee table.

He hears Jace snort and feels himself blushing, even though that’s not something he can do as a vampire. Without saying anything, he speed-walks to his bedroom to start his morning routine.

\--

Simon is taking out some blood out of the fridge when he sees Jace frown at his phone.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“Nothing special. I’ve got work back at the Institute. Izzy says she needs to talk to me.” Jace answers. He puts his phone back in his pocket. “Do you want to come?”

Simon stands there gaping at him, blood bag in his hand. “Me? Are you sure?”

Jace smirks at him.

“Obviously. I asked. Try to keep up, Simon.”

“Haha.” Simon voices, sarcastically. Then, he shrugs. “Yeah, sure. I haven’t seen Clary in a while.”

\--

They meet Izzy at the Institute. She is, rightfully, utterly confused to see Simon there too.

“What are you two doing together?” She asks, as they approach, her teeth showing in a small grin.

Jace comes to a stop in front of her and crosses his arms. “Not important.” He says, before Simon can speak. “What’s up?”

Izzy raises one eyebrow at him and keeps her trademark grin, the one that usually means ‘ _I know what you’re not telling me but I’ll keep pretending I don’t._ ’

Her expression becomes serious as she approaches the screen to show them what she called Jace there to see.

“We have a shapeshifter to deal with.” She explains.

Simon doesn’t want to intrude in their work, so he decides it’s time for him to leave. “Well, if you don’t need me here, I’m going to find Clary.” His eyes shift between them as he awaits confirmation.

Jace nods.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He says.

\--

Simon finds Clary in her room drawing. She’s sitting in her bed, so concentrated on what she’s doing that she doesn’t hear him approach. He can’t help but smile at the familiarity of it. No one would be able to tell what she had gone through in the past few months.

He knocks on the door so he doesn’t scare her.

“Simon!” She shouts after looking up. She drops her pencil and sketchbook on the bed and runs to him to hug him tightly.

He returns the hug earnestly. He had missed Clary.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, excitedly, when they break apart.

“I missed my best friend, so I thought I should check up on you.” He answers. He doesn’t want to tell her about Jace just yet.

“Yeah.” She says, quieter. Simon knows she hasn’t stopped feeling guilty about what happened between them. If he’s completely honest, he’s hasn’t gotten over it and he doesn’t think he ever will. He had been in love with her for as long as he remembers. However, as he moves on, getting back to being her best friend becomes easier.

“How are you? How are things going with Maia?” Clary asks, gaining her composure.

Hearing Maia’s name is like a blow to his chest. They sit on the bed, and he tells her what happened. Clary looks miserable. She had, most likely, hoped his new relationship would help him move on. It did, but he also got another heartbreak. Frankly speaking, two break-ups in a row, over such short-termed relationships had left him emotionally exhausted. To top it all off, he couldn’t help but keep worrying about how Maia was doing. He doesn’t know what he’d have done if Jace hadn’t barged into his apartment and his life. As a vampire he had all the time in the world to mope but that wasn’t really the best use of his infinite lifetime.

“How about you?” He asks. “How is life as a proper Shadowhunter? You know, killing demons, ‘ _Emotions cloud judgement!_ ’ and all that?”

She laughs. “Well, compared to going after Valentine, fighting demons isn’t the worst. They are usually not that great at conspiracies.” She explains cheerly. “This feels so natural to me.” She confesses, looking around. “You know I have my disagreements with the Clave and their rules, but this is what I was born to do. I can’t imagine leaving it for anything else.”

Her shoulders slump and she bites her lip, deep in thought.

“Clary…?” Simon prompts.

“I’m worried about Jace.” She confesses. “Something happened in Alicante and he hasn’t been himself. I don’t think he’s been sleeping.” Tears start forming at the corner of her eyes. “He’s out a lot and he won’t tell me where he goes. I’m worried he’s putting himself in danger.”

Simon rubs the back of his neck. He’s not sure what Jace is going to think about him spilling the beans to Clary but she’s his best friend and he can’t let her worry by herself.

“Hmmm… Actually, we’ve been…kind of…living together.” He admits.

Her eyes widen almost comically.

“Oh my God. You and Jace, really?”

Simon immediately realizes she might have interpreted what he said the wrong way.

“Wait! Nothing like that!” He cries out. “He showed up at my apartment one day? And decided to live there without even asking if he could?” He complains.

The corner of Clary’s mouth quirks up, although it doesn’t reach her eyes. “That does sound like him.” She agrees.

“He told me what happened in Idris.” Simon reveals, because not doing so feels like lying and because she’s the only person he’s able to talk about this with.

She smiles at him but the tears in her eyes are threatening to spill.

“He hasn’t let me tell anyone.” She says, although he already knows. “I’ve been lying to everyone. I only told Luke. Alec is so worried. And I just-” She throws her hands up, hopeless, and attempts to blink the tears away.

Simon puts a hand over hers.

“You could have told me. I’m your best friend.” He says.

He reaches forward to put his arms around her, rubbing her back in reassurance. She buries her head into his shoulder.

“I know. I’m sorry.” She says, voice hoarse.

“It’s ok.” He breaks the hug slowly but squeezes her hand. He looks her in the eyes. “We’ll figure something out.” He promises.

 “I summoned Ithuriel to ask for help. He said it was because I resurrected him. Jace wants to try the Silent Brothers but if they can’t heal him-“ Her eyes are red and the tears stream down her face.

“I know.” He says. “But they are our only chance now.”

\--

Clary has been going on missions with the Shadowhunters so she shares the details with Simon, from who she has met and worked with to information on the demons she has encountered. Simon can tell she’s fitting right in, although her stubbornness and way of doing things cause the occasional clash.

They are both in higher spirits when Jace shows up at the door. He leans against the doorway, with a smile on his face.

“What are you two gossiping about?” He asks.

They both turn to him, smiles still on their faces.

Simon raises his chin a little. “Not telling you.” He answers. “Are you done with work?”

Jace walks into the room. “Yeah. That shapeshifter wasn’t a particularly smart one.”

Simon gets up and Clary follows. They meet Jace near the door.

Clary eyes them.

“I can’t believe you two are living together. Who’d guess?” She comments.

Jace turns to Simon.

“You told her?” He asks, but it’s clear he’s not angry, or even surprised at it. He’s asking for confirmation of something he already knew was going to happen.

Simon hits him in the arm with the back of his hand.

“Come on, man, of course I did, she’s my best friend!”

Jace snorts and smiles at him slightly before rolling his shoulders back, straightening himself up, expression serious.

“Jace? What’s wrong?” Clary asks, worried.

He looks at them, unsure.

“I’m going to the City of Bones tonight for treatment.” Jace says, brows knit together. “I can’t keep dragging this along any longer. I already told Alec and Izzy.”

“We’ll go with you. As far as we can.” She promises. Hand on his arm.

Simon nods. “Whether or not you want us there.” He adds.

\--

The entrance to the City of Bones is about as creepy as Simon remembers it. In addition, it reminds him of the time he was captured and turned into a vampire so there’s that. Especially given the fact that the five of them are here together.

He voices these concerns because, a lot might have happened but he’s still Simon Lewis and creepy things will always be creepy things. It’s not because he’s so nervous for Jace that he can’t stop fidgeting. If he had a working heart right now, it’d probably be jumping out of his chest.

Alec rolls his eyes at him, as usual, and tries to keep his “Head of the Institute” composure but Simon can tell he’s a bit freaked out too.

Simon doesn’t trust this place one bit. How can he be certain that he’ll ever see Jace again? And, wow, that’s a worry he never thought he’d have. This one, he doesn’t say out loud.

Jace stops in front of the entrance and they stop a few steps behind him.

He turns around so he’s facing them and takes in a deep breath.

“Well, this is it.” He says, raising his hands in the air and, then, dropping them to his sides.

The silence that follows is unsettling. Simon has stopped talking so the only sounds that can be hear are the quiet rustling of the leaves and the crinkling sounds of the fires around them. Alec is the first one to step up to Jace.

“Good luck.” He says, hugging him and patting his back.

After that, Izzy and Clary too, say their goodbyes and hug him.

Simon’s mind is going at 100mph when Jace moves to stand in front of him. There must be another solution. There’s no way this can be it. Simon opens his arms, ready for his turn. Instead, Jace stays in front of him, arms crossed.

“Not happening.” He says, shaking his head and mimicking the voice he used the last time he rejected the other - perfectly good, Simon might add – hug, except with a lot more sadness in it which Simon ignores because he knows Jace wants him to.

Simon looks at him incredulously.

“Seriously? Again? Let me just tell you that that is totally unfair.” He complains.

Jace grins at him fondly.

“Too bad.” He replies.

Simon rubs his hands together. He can’t keep his worries inside his head anymore.

“So, we’ll see each other later?” He asks, and he desperately needs some reassurance right about now.

“Yeah, there’s nothing to worry about.” Jace says.

It’s a lie, and they both know it. Jace’s voice is unsteady as he says it and Simon wants nothing more than to scoop him up and take him home. As it is, they stare at each other not knowing what to do until Jace clears his throat and looks away.

He takes a step back.

“Don’t wait for me.” He says, addressing the four of them. Then, he’s walking into the City of Bones, alone.

Simon’s heart sinks as he sees Jace’s back disappear in the darkness. It takes them a long time to accept that they’ll have to turn back and leave that place without Jace.


	5. Chapter 5

Simon comes back from work exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. Working in retail sucks. He’s tired of dealing with people. What is he supposed to do when someone shows up trying to return a $4 puzzle they bought three years ago? _Who would even do that?_

Reaching his bedroom, he throws himself on top of his bed.

Having nice colleagues is, at the same time, a blessing and a curse. He immediately hit it off with the girl working on the counter next to his. She’s fairly older than him and can handle the customers with complete calm and occasional sarcasm. Simon envies her. They talk during work which makes it more bearable. On the other hand, he’s running out of excuses for having to miss out on lunch or dinner. He’s gotten better at eating food but it’s not something he can do regularly.

He closes his eyes.

Maybe he should go back to college to finish his degree, although he’s sure he’s very failed after not showing up for an entire semester. This isn’t working out and, despite the Seelie Queen’s praise, his music career isn’t either. Being a CPA is not his dream job but he could, at least, make a decent living off of it. He can’t possibly pay for the apartment with the money from his gigs alone.

But he also doesn’t have the heart to leave it.

It has been over 3 months and he hasn’t had any signal from Jace. He calls Clary almost every day to ask her if it’s normal for it to take this long only for her to remind him that absolutely nothing about this situation is normal.

No news means Jace hasn’t been deruned, which is good, but he could also be dead and no one would know about it. Simon doesn’t want to think about that possibility.

It’s about 8 p.m., which is as good time as any for him to pass out, even with his clothes on. He is drifting off, sinking deeper into the comfortable covers of his bed, when his ears pick up a sound in the distance.

Simon is at the source of it in an instant, exhaustion long forgotten. He’s heard it enough times to recognize it even in his sleep. His entire body sings with hope and he’s afraid to open the door in front of him to see what lies on the other side. Yet, more than anything, he needs to see Jace. He yanks the door open.

He feels his knees wanting to buckle under him when he does. He thinks he may have passed out without realizing, because _Jace is alive_. More than that, he’s covered in those scribbles Shadowhunters love.

“Hey.” Jace says.

The first thing that hits Simon, is how happy Jace looks. It’s a quiet happiness, but it’s there, dancing in his eyes. It is accompanied by an unusual bashfulness which causes Jace to wet his bottom lip with a flick of his tongue and cross his arms over his chest. He’s wearing the same clothes he did when Simon last saw him, but they are spotless.

Meanwhile, Simon’s mouth can’t seem to work now that he needs it to.

“Jace…”

It’s all he can say, but it’s not enough. He waited months for this. He imagined all possible scenarios. Especially the worst ones. And, maybe, that’s the problem. He never expected this to go smoothly. That’s never how things are with them. He opens his mouth, trying to say something else but nothing is coming out. His body isn’t taking any instructions.

But, then, Jace is stepping forward, and Simon is opening his arms to catch him. When Simon embraces him, over the waist, Jace wraps his arms around his neck and leans his chin on his shoulder.

The feeling of Jace’s warm body under his touch, comforts him. This is real. _Jace is ok._

“Just for the record, you started it, so I’m absolutely going to take all I can get from it.” Simon says, eyes prickling, when he finds his voice. He hugs Jace tighter. “God, I missed you.”

They’ve never been that close, but Simon doesn’t care. When Jace clears his throat and slowly pulls back, Simon holds his breath, worried that he fucked up, but Jace doesn’t move far from his grasp.

“Yeah, I missed you too.”

It’s raw and honest, and every fiber of his being is screaming at Simon to pull Jace closer once more and kiss him, but he pushes those urges down. Jace has been through enough.

There is a lightness to Jace’s eyes and movement that had never been there before. He smiles, a bit sheepish. “Do you still have a spare bedroom?”

\--

They’re friends. It’s undeniable. Jace always texts Simon to let him know when he’s coming back to the apartment. They purposefully arrange their schedules so that they can eat together. And, when they continue their Star Wars marathon, they gravitate towards each other, in the middle of the couch, until they become comfortable enough that Jace can sit with his feet on top of Simon’s lap without either of them giving it a second thought. It’s surprising how well it works.

Simon’s presence at the Institute doesn’t surprise anyone anymore. He doesn’t usually go on missions with them, but he can help in the ‘ _bouncing ideas off each other’_ stage of the process. He keeps working his retail job to save some cash, the rest of the time.

At night, if Simon closes his eyes and concentrates on it, he can hear the faint sounds of Jace’s thumping heart. It has become a habit. It had been a good indicator of Jace’s true emotions before. Now, the steady beat is soothing. A constant reminder that Jace is alive and there.

This night, he doesn’t expect the hammering to start, but it does. He tries to convince himself that there’s nothing to worry about. Jace is cured. Maybe he’s exercising in the middle of the night? Or doing something else Simon has no business listening in or interrupting. The thoughts linger in his mind longer than he wants them to. He really shouldn’t go there. Jace will be creeped out, with good reason. But Simon needs to be sure. He can come up with an excuse if he needs to.

He knocks on Jace’s bedroom door first.

“Jace?” He whispers. “Are you awake?”

He doesn’t hear a reply, and Jace’s heart keeps hammering in his ears.

He knocks again, louder.

“Jace?”

There’s a sharp intake of breath followed by the sound of the bed springs moving.

Simon knocks again.

“Come in.” Jace’s voice, rough from sleep, comes from inside the bedroom.

Simon opens the door. His brain keeps telling him this was a terrible idea. Jace is sitting in his bed, rubbing his eyes. His hair is messy, and the hoodie he’s wearing is slipping from his shoulder, revealing a streak of smooth white skin. Simon licks his lips. He desperately clings to the self-control he has left in order to focus his eyes on Jace’s.

“Simon? What are you doing here?” Jace asks.

Simon decides to go with honesty.

“I thought you might be having…you know…” He gestures vaguely with his hands.

“A mental breakdown?” Jace supplies.

“Yeah.” Simon confesses, letting his hands fall and standing awkwardly by the door.

Jace stares at him for a bit. Then, he pats the spot on the bed next to him, giving Simon permission to enter his room.

“How could you tell?” He asks.

Simon sits on the designated spot. He rubs his neck and shifts a bit in place.

“No matter how I say it, it’s going to sound creepy so I’m just going to go with it,” He sighs. “I could tell by your heartbeat.”

Jace’s brows crease.

“You were listening to my heartbeat?” Jace asks, quietly, looking at Simon intensely.

 “Sorry, I know that sounds super stalkerish and creepy, but I couldn’t help it.” He says.

Jace studies his face before a lopsided grin spreads on his face.

“It does sound like that, but I can’t really blame you.” He makes a point of showing off himself.

Simon narrows his eyes at him.

“Oh, wow, I’m sorry my supersonic hearing is so much better than yours.” He retorts.

Jace shrugs, amused.

“That’s alright.” He says. There is a seriousness in his voice that indicates that the answer might be meant to be taken literally.

Simon can’t shake the worry off. His tone is serious and understanding when he addresses Jace.

“Were you? Having a mental breakdown?” He asks.

Jace shakes his head.

“It was just a nightmare.” He answers.

“I thought they had helped you.” Simon says.

“They did. But there are things that even the Silent Brothers can’t do. Not without wiping out my memory completely, at least.” Jace explains. “This isn’t uncommon. All Shadowhunters have nightmares. It comes with the job.”

Simon takes in Jace’s state. There is no indication of exhaustion beyond what’s normal, like there had been before.

When his eyes meet Jace’s, they are still examining him.

“Thank you for checking up on me.” Jace says, expression soft.

Simon smiles at him.

“Any time.”

The conversation halts there and Simon can’t stop his eyes from dropping down again, first to Jace’s lips and, then, to the exposed skin between his neck and shoulder. The urge to taste it almost too big for Simon to hold back. He briefly wonders what Jace’s reaction would be if he followed his advice and went ahead with what he’s feeling, instead of being satisfied that they’re friends.

He needs to stop here.

He gets up and rubs his hands on his boxers.

“If you’re ok, I should probably let you sleep. Sorry I woke you up.” He mumbles, eyes avoiding Jace’s. He gets out of the room before Jace has a chance to answer.

After plopping back in his own bed, he tries to convince himself that he can do this. He’s fully aware that he has signed himself off to a lifetime of pining but that shouldn’t be anything new. He thought he had with Clary too. As long as he can keep his hands off Jace, he won’t get murdered. There’s nothing to worry about. He had done it for years.

\--

It’s happening more and more frequently. Simon feels helpless as he lays in his bed, a spectator to Jace’s pain, not able to do anything about it. The heavy pounding takes hours to go away some days.

Jace has been looking progressively more worn-out. Simon had even caught him nodding off while they were looking at a mission’s details once.

He finally gets enough courage to bring up the topic one morning, while they are sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast.

“It’s been happening more frequently, hasn’t it?” He asks.

Jace doesn’t even pretend to not know what he’s talking about.

“I think the effects of the medicines the Silent Brothers gave me are wearing off.” He says.

“Wearing off? Shouldn’t you go back there, then? I wouldn’t want to if I were you either, but someone clearly didn’t do their job right.”

Jace shakes his head.

“The nightmares were never the focus of my treatment. Only the… hallucinations, stood in the way of me doing my job.” He explains.

“How does being exhausted not affect your job?” Simon asks. He tries not to let too much of his frustration into his voice.

“I told you, this isn’t anything unusual. I know you don’t understand it, but Shadowhunters learn to not let our emotions affect our jobs.” Jace says.

“Heard that before. I prefer to use common sense. I guess self-preservation is a mundane and Downworlder thing.” Simon says. He leans forward on the table, concerned. “If the effects are wearing off, what if the rest comes back too?”

Jace purses his lips.

“Then, that’ll mean there’s nothing the Silent Brothers can do. I’ll have to deal with it on my own.” He says.

“No, you won’t.” Simon says, with all the determination he can muster. Jace is surrounded by people who love him, and he’s deserving of it. It saddens him that Jace can’t see it. “Alec, Izzy, Clary… and I…will help you through this. But you have to trust us.” He says.

Jace puts his hands around the cup of coffee in front him and looks at it, deep in thought. He nods, hesitantly.

“Yeah.” He says.

Simon knows he will have to keep repeating it.

\--

They have just finished one of their usual meetings at the Institute. Simon watches Jace’s back as he leaves the building with the rest of the Shadowhunters, leaving him and Magnus behind. They have been working on a big mission, which is why they’re here. The Shadowhunters are going to work on the field while Simon was assigned to help Magnus.

When he hears Magnus send his books and amulets back to his apartment with a snap of his fingers, he looks in his direction.

Satisfied with the result of his magic, Magnus turns to him, affection clear in his eyes.

“I hear you and Jace are living together.” He says.

“How…?” Simon starts, but his brain figures it out before his mouth does. He puts his hand up, signaling Magnus to stop. “You, know what, forget it. The answer is obvious.”

Magnus smiles at him. Then, he walks gracefully around the table, closer to where he is.

“I’m just glad he found somewhere else to hide at besides my apartment. He was a terribly loud roommate.” He says, jokingly.

Simon’s brow furrows.

“Loud?” He asks. Magnus looks at him suggestively and Simon gets it. At the same time, he feels something inside of him shatter. “Oh.” He says. He immediately cringes at the sadness he hears in his own voice.

It certainly doesn’t go past Magnus, who stops in his tracks and looks sympathetic.

“Oh, darling.” He says. He walks closer to Simon. “It seems like I’ve said too much. I apologize for bringing it up.”

Simon shakes his head. He bites on his bottom lip to keep himself from breaking down in front of Magnus.

“That’s ok, Magnus.” He says, more cheerfully than he feels. “It’s nothing new.”

Magnus keeps looking at him like he can read Simon’s mind. Maybe he can. Or maybe Simon just looks as devastated as he feels.

Magnus puts a hand on his shoulder. “Pay no mind to it. The times were different, then.” He soothes.

“It’s only a matter of time before he does it.” Simon says.

Magnus uses his other hand to pull Simon to face him, tenderly. He rubs Simon’s shoulders lightly where his hands are placed.

“We don’t know that. Neither of us can see the future, darling.” He says.

\--

Despite Magnus’s reassurances, it doesn’t take long for Simon’s insecurities to catch up to him. Jace is a natural ladies man. Every time he flashes a perfect smile towards a flirtatious waitress or a beautiful Seelie, Simon’s heart clenches. Granted, that doesn’t mean he will take them home and, so far, he hasn’t. But, one day, he will. It will never be Simon. Not only is Simon a guy, which is a pretty big deal in and of itself, he’s not even gifted in that regard. Jace is on a completely different league. Acknowledging that hurts.

One particular night, they agree to meet at a closed-doors bar in Brooklyn. There are very few places in New York Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike can frequent without problems arising. Magnus is usually the one to ask if you need recommendations for this sort of thing but Jace also seems to be well-versed in it. Simon has done his best to ignore the reasons why that is the case. The closed-doors policy is there mostly to keep off mundanes, so Simon enters the bar easily. It’s a small, dimly-lit place. It’s packed but not so much that Simon can’t move around comfortably. He appreciates that. Jace must know that too, which is probably the reason why he chose it. It doesn’t take Simon long to find him in the crowd.

That’s when Simon gets the punch in the gut he had been expecting.

Jace is sitting at the counter, surrounded by a group of 3 women. Seelies. That seems to be his type. By the way they’re talking to each other, it appears as if they’re acquittances. At the same time, they could have just met. Jace has that kind of charm.

Simon’s hands shake as reality hits him hard. If he wasn’t here Jace would, without a doubt, be having fun with them tonight instead.

Simon’s running away as fast as he can before he can really think about it. He gets to the destination his feet automatically take him to in the blink of an eye. It’s an isolated park he had often visited when he had broken up with Clary. It had been the best place to stay away from everyone, at the time. He texts Jace to tell him he must pass on their going-out night because he just noticed he’s out of blood and must get some. He wonders if Jace will be able to tell that it’s a lie, and whether that even matters.

He’s tired of being side-lined. But it’s his fault. He should’ve been more cautious. Now, after all this effort to achieve a stable friendship with Jace, he was going to ruin it.

He sits on a bench far from the main path of the park, where the homeless usually sleep. The street light isn’t working so he remains hidden from sight. He pulls his legs up and hugs them with his arms.

Later, he does get some blood bags on the way home just in case Jace is there to ask questions. He isn’t.

\--

Simon wakes up too tired to be angry at himself, the next day, but more convinced than ever that he’s going to be alone for the rest of his life and, that, just leaves him feeling depressed.  He wants to apologize for ditching Jace the previous day, but merely thinking about what happened makes him want to crawl back into his bed and under the covers. On top of that, he wants to keep their friendship intact and he’s not sure he’ll be able to. Jace wasn’t at fault here.

When Jace asks him if he’s ok, though, his self-hatred resurfaces, and he fails to keep it bottled up, as he should have. Instead, Jace, who is looking at him worriedly, becomes the target of it.

“Jace, how long do are you planning on staying here?” He asks, after telling Jace that he was fine.

Jace looks taken aback by the question. He puts his dishes in the sink.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

Simon pretends like it isn’t a big deal, despite the bell ringing in the back of his head, telling him he’s fucking this whole thing up.

 “Well, you can go back to the Institute, right? I thought you’d want to. You have your family there, they can help you, and there’s no way this is convenient for you.” He says, trying to make his tone as casual as possible.

Jace’s expression hardens. Simon knows him well enough now to know that means he’s hurt.

“I don’t remember ever saying that.” He says.

Simon ignores Jace’s reaction and the growing black hole in his own chest.

“This is not exactly close to the Institute and you can’t drive. You have to leave early and come back late. This isn’t convenient.” He says.

Jace clenches his jaw.

“Convenient for me or for you?” Jace grits through his teeth.

His stance is squared and his face is flushed. Simon regrets ever waking up today.

“Jace, you know that’s not what I meant.” He says, pleading.

It really isn’t. Because this is far from being Jace’s fault. Simon is the one who can’t ever keep his heart in check.

“Do I?” Jace spits out but, then, he’s shaking his head and sighing. “No, you’re right, I have no reason to be here. You didn’t want me here in the first place. I shouldn’t have come back. I’m sorry.”

“Jace-“ Simon starts.

But Jace is turning and striding towards the bedroom. Simon hears him shoving his things back in his bag. He could have stopped him if he had truly wanted to. Instead, he convinces himself that this is for the best.

\--

Simon’s sitting at the Hunter’s Moon, shoulders slumped, playing with the glass of plasma in his hands. He knows better than to get drunk, at this point. His life brings him enough misfortune without it, he doesn’t need to push his luck. At least Jace hadn’t punched him in the face, although Simon feels as if he had.

“Well, this explains a lot.” He hears a female voice say behind him.

He turns to see Izzy sit on the stool next to his, facing him.

“What does?” He asks, confused.

She throws her hair back and leans on the counter.

“Jace has been moping around the Institute and won’t tell me what’s wrong.” She says.

Simon lets his head drop to his hands. “Oh my God.”

He really did it this time. He completely ruined it. Like he always did.

Izzy puts a comforting hand on his arm.

“What happened between you two?” She asks.

Simon raises his head but keeps his eyes on the counter in front of him.

“We were starting to become friends. We _were_ friends, Izzy! Which is, like, totally mind-blowing. And I freaked out!”

“Whatever you did, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She says.

“No, Izzy, it won’t.”

He drinks the plasma in one go, hoping it’ll give him the courage to say what he has been keeping to himself. He scrunches his nose as he feels the effects of the drink. He panics internally for a bit after that, looking at the empty glass in his hand.

“I love him.” He confesses.

There it is. He did it.

Somehow, it hurts a lot more now that it’s out of his chest, like he has made it more real by telling her. At the same time, he feels relief at being able to share it with someone directly.

“Simon!” She’s looking at him, wide-eyed, and smiling.

“I know! Terrible idea!” Simon groans. “What am I supposed to do? The guy is literally an angel! He looks like freaking Captain America and _he’s sweet._ Like, what’s up with that? He was supposed to be a jackass.” He complains.

Izzy keeps smiling at him, sympathetically.

“You two are idiots. I know Jace. He’s hurt but he’s too proud to say it. Go talk to him.” She says.

Simon finally gets enough courage to look at her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He says.

“Trust me. Jace adores you. You need to talk.” She says.

Simon sighs and nods.

“I know.” He says.

They hug each other.

“Thanks. You’re the best, Izzy.” Simon says.

She smiles at him as they pull apart.

“I know.”

\--

Simon paces on the hallway outside of Jace’s room for what it feels like two hours. A couple of Shadowhunters pass by him and give him weird looks he only vaguely registers in his head.

According to Izzy, Jace actually likes him at least a little bit. That means he probably won’t get punched, right? _What’s the worst that can happen?_ Yup, Jace could definitely murder him as easily as he’d kill a fly. Simon rubs his neck, nervously. This isn’t helping.

What he really needs to do is to restore their friendship. Nothing else matters. Having Jace around is painful but it’s also incredibly fun. Ever since he turned, Simon hasn’t been able to fit in anywhere, not with the mundanes or the vampires or the Shadowhunters. He was an anomaly, no matter what. It was lonely. At least until Maia and Jordan had come along. With them gone, Jace was the only one connecting him to the world. Simon already missed their movie nights and waking up to see Jace walk around the kitchen half-asleep and with an adorable bedhead.

The truth is, it’s all worth it as long as he can see Jace smile.

He flings his arms around and rolls his shoulders, trying to get himself ready for what he’s about to do.

He takes a deep breath.

“You can do this.” He murmurs to himself.

Then, he knocks on the door.

Jace opens it without much delay.

He frowns when he sees Simon.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, angrily, and, ok, Simon deserves that.

Jace stands between Simon and his bedroom, arms crossed over his chest, blocking the way.

“I wanted to talk.” Simon says.

“Oh, I think we already did.” Jace says and moves to close the door.

Simon stops him by putting his hand on the door.

“Jace, please.”

Jace studies his face for a second. Then, he moves away from the door.

“Make it quick.” He says.

Simon enters the room and starts pacing, once again. There’s a nervous energy coursing through his veins that he can’t seem to shake off.

Meanwhile, Jace has leaned against the wall next to the door. His expression is closed-off.

“I thought you were here to talk.” He says, annoyed, when Simon doesn’t start speaking.

Simon decides he should start with what he actually did. From Jace’s perspective, the only thing that had happened was that Simon had kicked him out, out of nowhere, when everything seemed to be going fine. Sure, at first, Jace had stayed there without permission and Simon simply hadn’t been insistent enough to kick him out. The second time, though? That one was different.

“Look, the truth is, I couldn’t afford that apartment by myself. I started working that part-time job at the store so that I could stay in it,” He’s afraid to look at Jace but he does, anyway. He’s disappointed to find that Jace remains closed-off, so he continues, with as much sincerity as he can. “Because I thought you’d go back to it when you came back. I wanted you to.” He admits. “I didn’t have any problems with you staying there. I just freaked out by myself. I’m sorry.”

Jace tries to remain nonchalant but Simon can see the anxiety in his eyes and in how he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“What was the freak out all about, then?” Jace asks.

Simon gulps. He had spent too much time worrying what Jace would do once he open the door and saw Simon and not enough time planning what he was going to say.

He looks at Jace meaningfully.

“I went to the bar that day.” He says.

Jace stares at him, confused.

“When you told me you were out of blood?” He asks. Simon nods. “Why did you lie about it?”

“Magnus told me what you were up to when you took that room in his apartment.” He sees Jace freeze, at that. “I saw you smiling at those Seelies and I just thought… Either way, I shouldn’t have said what I said. I never wanted to kick you out.”

Jace walks towards him, hesitantly, until they’re only arm’s length away from each other.

“I used to know them. We only talked for a few seconds. I was waiting for you.” He says.

Simon nods. For some reason, he walks closer without meaning to. His eyes drop to Jace’s lips but he forces them to look up.

The implications of what Jace just said are running inside his head. Should he read into it or stick to what he’d promised himself he’d do and bury his feelings away where they’d never see the light of the day. Jace would choose him over the group of Seelies. He’d said it, not Simon. Surely, that could mean he valued a friend over a one-night stand. That wasn’t much to go by. But Jace’s desperation and quietness as he said it had unsettled him.

His eyes drop to Jace’s lips again as he sees Jace’s tongue dart out to wet them.

“If you want to kiss me you better do it now.” Jace whispers.

And it sets his whole body on fire.

“On it.” He replies.

Then, Simon is bridging the gap between them so that he can kiss him and Jace meets him halfway.

Simons hands find Jace’s hips and he uses that grip to push Jace back against the wall. A little aroused grunt escapes Jace’s lips. Jace’s hands grabs his face on both sides, and he brings Simon’s face closer to connect their lips again. They press closer until there’s no space between them.

Simon’s hands slip under Jace’s shirt and-

The door opens next to them. Simon’s hands fly off Jace in the blink of an eye.

It’s Alec.

His eyebrows shoot up and his mouth slacks as sees them.

The three of them stand there paralyzed in place, not knowing what to do.

It's an eternity before Alec closes his mouth and shakes his head lightly, trying to regain his senses.

“Clary needs your help on the field.” He says, sternly, pointing at Jace, brows furrowed.

He looks between the two of them and, then, away, purposefully, as if they’re not there. He looks as if someone has offered him the chance to make out with Clary. His frown is so deep Simon almost thinks it might never leave his face.

Alec clears his throat.

“I’m going over to Magnus’s to drink something strong enough to make me forget I’ve seen…” He gestures vaguely in their direction, distaste written all over his face. “This.”

With that, he strides out of the room and closes the door behind him.

Simon and Jace remain there, frozen, until the situation really hits them.

Then, the snickers start.

“Did you see Alec’s face?” Simon says, face inches away from Jace’s.

Jace is full-on giggling. It’s the most adorable thing Simon has ever seen. The snickering continues until they’re both red in the face and Jace has tears rolling down his cheeks. Once again, Simon can’t help but think it’s all worth it if he can hear Jace’s hearty laugh.

Simon touches their foreheads as the laughter dies down.

“You’re ok with this?” He whispers.

“Clearly not.” Jace moves his head back a little and rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling. “Should’ve done it sooner.” He says.

There’s something in Jace’s eyes that finally connects all the dots in Simon’s head. His mouth drops open as he stares at Jace, in shock.

 “Oh. My. God. I can’t believe it! It _was_ an excuse! From the start! You already liked me!” Simon smiles from ear to ear. Meanwhile, he sees Jace turn a brighter shade of red by the second. “Everything makes so much sense now.” He shrieks in delight.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jace mumbles, because he’s Jace and he can’t just admit he has feelings.

Simon looks at him, fondly. His hands are doing small circles on Jace’s waist.

“What if you move in, like, officially? I’ll make a copy of my keys and you won’t have to wait for me to be there.” He suggests.

The pure happiness on Jace’s face is worth it.

“Sounds great.”


End file.
